Cats, Creeps, & Kakaotalk

A song…

I wrote a song today, entitled it “The Tragedy of Lies”. I wrote it as I went, then recorded a demo version with semi-horrid singing. (Kidding, my singing isn’t horrid…it was just terribly off and unprepared in that moment. A re-record shall happen soon.)

Perhaps I shall anonymously post it to youtube, or I shall post it here and see what happens. We shall see. 

Rough draft lyrics, perhaps to be changed. 

“The Tragedy of Lies”

Hello hello I see you there

Funny how you hide

We were once made to be

This love is (now) a tragedy

Onlookers keep your stride

I close my eyes and dream of you

Though you’re far away

Pathetic you may think of me

But the feelings stay

In the end I know your kind

All the same in truth and lies

And in the end I’m still the same

Hiding here in my shame

And though I know it’s not my fault

A part of me still cries and wonders

Could this have been changed

Could this have been me

I have done most everything 

That’s been asked of me

And though and though I’ve tried I’ve tried

Done it all and more

You still are the hateful you

That I once adored

And through all (of) your arrogance

I can see the truth

A scared and lonely little boy

Buried inside you

And though I bring him to the top

Pouring out your soul

You are never anyone’s

Eternally alone

I’ve given all myself to you

And though you took me

You never gave me anything

But pain and misery

NOTE: Because of my lifetime obsession with music box music, this came out feeling music box like. It would probably go great in a horror movie lol.

Argh…what the hell is up with today?

Either someone has cursed me or karma is running amok. What did I do? Seriously! To my knowledge I have been nothing but a good person for a while now. What is going on? 

It started last night, my computer f’d up and I had to reimage it. Therefore I have to download all my games again.

Then today I wake up to my manager at work asking me why I wasn’t there yet, when I wasn’t aware I had to work at all today. Not too big a deal, but still a big deal.

Then tonight…(I’m more than likely overreacting because I’m jealous out of my fucking mind) my ex/whatever you wanna call him had a pic of him and his family uploaded to a random friend’s twitter…when he didn’t even tell me she was going to be in town. Tha fuck? 

You know what…I’m done. Over it. Fed up. No matter how much I love him it’s always going to be the same, and I hate feeling like I don’t matter one damn bit. UGH. 

This is my bitching space, who knows who actually sees it…and I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. If there are people  who have read my posts, they know how I am anyway. 

On the bright side, saw my Korean friend Hana and her brother Justin today. OMG Justin is so beefed up! Too bad he’s engaged haha. We never really got along in middle school, then we got along pretty well in high school since we took classes together. 

Anyway, I really don’t want to delete him from my life….but I can’t stand to fucking torture myself this way either. I really need to save enough money to go to Korea this year and meet him, then I can proceed from there. Fucking jerk….ARGH!

Today, I don’t understand…

Today, I feel randomly depressed. Suddenly, I’m thinking and crying. Rarely do I feel sorry for myself anymore, or reflect on the shit that’s happened in my life. Today….is different. Maybe it’s because I feel weak, and I’ve been sick the past couple days…or maybe it’s for some other reason I don’t know of. Whatever the reason, I hate days like this. I haven’t blogged in a while, but it felt like a good time to do it. 

I have mostly always been the person that’s cheerful outside, miserable inside. Or I push my worries so far down inside worrying about others that even I can forget about them until I have nothing to occupy my time… 

I haven’t had much to be sad about lately, or rather, I have chosen not to let the things I could be upset about get me down. Today, most randomly, I feel depressed. 

I guess a few tears never killed anyone though, so I might as well cry it out. Not like anyone’s watching anyway. =/

If I wasn’t camera shy, I’d consider putting a “My Secrets” type video on youtube…some people are inspiring.

Some days you remember why you feel that pain in your heart. It hit me suddenly. The more I think about it, the more I remember that I love you…even though you could give less of a fuck about me.

Maybe one of these days someone will take me from you and you’ll realize what you’ve lost, and see your stupidity. There are plenty of other options, but you…I fell for you. And I thought I was over it, OK, done….you know what? I’m not. I still love you. Same as ever. Ughhh.